The “Name it” sheet, walked through

There's a free one-page sheet on this site. People download it, and then, quite reasonably, some of them look at it and think: right, but what do I actually write?

So here it is, filled in, one box at a time. The example is made up, but it's the kind of morning most of us know.

It's a weekday. A message arrives from a friend cancelling plans for the third time. I read it on my phone while making breakfast, and something drops in my stomach. I put the phone down a bit too hard. For the next hour, I'm short with everyone.

That's when the sheet earns its place.

Just the facts, in one or two lines.

This box is deliberately boring. No opinions, no story. Just what a camera would have seen.

What I'd write:

My friend cancelled our dinner on Friday by text. It's the third time this month.

Notice what's not in there: "She doesn't care." That may come up later, but the first box is only for facts. Separating what happened from what I think it means is half the battle.

What am I feeling right now? One or two words.

This is the heart of the sheet, and the one people find hardest. My first word is nearly always the loudest one, and the loudest one is often not the truest.

First try: "Angry."

Then I sit with it for a moment. Am I really angry? A bit. But under the anger there's something else.

What I'd write:

Hurt. A bit lonely.

If you get stuck here, a small word list for naming what you feel helps. You don't need the perfect word. Just a better one than "bad" or "fine".

What is really happening? What is in my hands, and what isn't?

Now I look at the situation with a bit more distance. This box has two halves, and both matter.

What's really happening? I honestly don't know why she cancelled. I've made up a reason, but I haven't asked.

What I'd write:

I don't know why she keeps cancelling. I've been guessing the worst.

In my hands: asking her, kindly. Deciding how I want to spend Friday.

Not in my hands: her week, her reasons, how she replies.

This is where the feeling usually loosens. Most of what I was stewing about sat in the "not in my hands" half. Seeing that written down lets me put it down.

The smallest useful thing I can do today.

Not a plan for the friendship. Not a speech. One step, small enough to actually do.

What I'd write:

Send her a short, warm message: "No worries about Friday. Is everything okay with you? I miss seeing you."

Other days, the step might be smaller still: a glass of water, a ten-minute walk. Small is the point.

Done? A tick and the time.

This box exists because it's easy to fill in a lovely sheet and then not do the thing.

What I'd write, once it's sent:

✓ 8:40

That little tick matters more than it looks. Teams that use Scrum agree a "definition of done" so nobody wonders whether something is finished; the tick is the same idea on a single page. It closes the loop. The sheet started with a feeling that was running the morning, and it ends with something I did.

The order is the whole method in miniature, the same notice, name, one-step pattern from the three steps:

1. Facts first, so the story doesn't run ahead.
2. The feeling next, because a named feeling is easier to carry.
3. What's in my hands, so I stop pushing on what isn't.
4. One step, because a feeling with nowhere to go just goes round in circles.
5. A tick, so it actually happens.

None of this is new. People have been saying versions of it for a very long time, which I wrote about in where name it, tame it comes from. The sheet just puts it on one page.

• Print a few. There's a US Letter and an A4 version. Keep one in a drawer, one in a bag.
• Keep it or throw it away. Both are fine. Some people like looking back. Some find binning it satisfying.
• Don't wait for a big moment. Practising on small irritations makes it easier when something bigger comes.
• Look back now and then. Once a week, glance at a few old sheets and ask what you'd do differently. Work teams call this a retrospective.

Think of one thing from today that still has a bit of sting in it. Grab the Name it sheet, or any scrap of paper, and go box by box: what happened, name it, tame it, one step, a tick.

You can use the same boxes for a goal instead of a feeling.

Name it, tame it. One page at a time.

A way of seeing, not medical or professional advice.