A small word list for naming what you feel

When someone asks me how I am, I have three answers ready: fine, busy, and tired. I suspect you have a similar set. They're handy for the shop queue. They're not much use when I'm trying to understand what's actually going on inside.

"Name it, tame it" only works if you have names to reach for. So here's a small word list. It isn't complete, and it isn't scientific. It's just the words I've found useful, grouped so you can find one quickly when your head is busy.

A quick note: this is a way of seeing, not medical or professional advice.

Read down the group that feels closest. Stop at the first word that makes you go "hm, yes, a bit". You don't need the perfect word. You need a better one than "fine".

If two words fit, keep both. Feelings often come in pairs.

• Sad - the plain one, and it's allowed.
• Disappointed - something didn't go the way I hoped.
• Lonely - I want more contact than I'm getting.
• Discouraged - I've tried, and it isn't working yet.
• Drained - my battery is low, not my mood.
• Homesick - missing a place, a person or a time.

• Worried - my mind is running ahead to what might go wrong.
• Nervous - something is coming and I care how it goes.
• Overwhelmed - too many things at once, not one big thing.
• Rushed - not enough time, rather than not enough ability.
• Restless - I want to move and can't settle.
• On edge - I'm braced for something, even if I can't say what.

• Annoyed - a small thing got in my way.
• Frustrated - I keep hitting the same wall.
• Resentful - an old unfairness I haven't let go of.
• Jealous - someone has something I want.
• Defensive - I feel judged and I'm getting my guard up.
• Fed up - I've had enough of this particular thing.

• Embarrassed - I'd like the moment to be over.
• Ashamed - I'm being hard on who I am, not just what I did.
• Unsure - I don't know the answer and I don't like it.
• Left out - others are in, I'm not.
• Unseen - my effort went unnoticed.
• Out of my depth - this is new, and I'm learning on the job.

• Relieved - a weight I was carrying just went down.
• Content - nothing needs to change right now.
• Grateful - someone or something made my day better.
• Hopeful - I can see a way forward.
• Proud - I did something that was hard for me.
• Curious - I want to know more.

Naming good feelings matters as much as naming hard ones. It helps me notice them, and they stay a little longer when I do.

Tired often hides other feelings. When I say "tired", I check whether it's really "discouraged" or "lonely". Sometimes it really is just tired, and the answer is sleep.

Angry is often a top layer. Under "annoyed" I often find "worried" or "unseen". The lower word usually tells me more about what to do next.

"Overwhelmed" is a counting problem. When I name it, the next step is nearly always to write down the things, one per line. Ten things on paper look smaller than ten things in my head.

Precise beats dramatic. "I'm a disaster" isn't a feeling. "I'm embarrassed about the meeting" is. The second one has edges, and edges are easier to handle.

You might copy one group onto a card and keep it in your wallet, or stick the whole list on the fridge. The free "Name it" sheet on this site has a short version at the bottom.

Next time someone asks how you are, you don't have to tell them. But try telling yourself, with a word a little more exact than "fine". Name it, and it gets easier to tame.